So you wanna host a Patry?

Rules of being a party host:

1) The number one, most important rule of any house party is....

DON'T BE THE HOST.

But since some of you mofos like to feel good by being rule breakers, here are some tips on how to try and keep your house looking OK-ish after throwing a house 'gathering'.

2) Make a Guest List

Make sure you have a guest list. If you don't want people to get hurt, just say that everyone in your year/ class/ friend group is invited. You can make a private event on Facebook, adding all these people and telling them the info. Why? Having loads of random people can get you into trouble. Who knows what kind of weirdos can enter your house, and if anything gets damaged, you won't be close to knowing who done it. It is suitable to lock the door after each guest comes so you don't get the oddball breaking in and crashing the party.

3) Create a Party Room

Decide where exactly the party people can step their feet. Lock rooms that are out of bounds (eg like your parents' room, your room, room with valuables...). This is a no-brainer. Unless you want them kids puking on your duvet (and there WILL probably be puking), keep them out!

4) Hide Valuable stuff

Hide all your breakable/ valuable/ favourite stuff, so it doesn't get broken or stolen. This includes your parents' stuff, keys, laptop... and you can figure out everything else.

5) Dry Food only

Sure creamy profiteroles and cheesy nachos can look good, but... Don't buy messy food! There's plenty of snacks out there that can do just fine. Crisps, gummy bears and mini sausages tend to be favourites. You can even buy mini sandwiches for the 'bigger' food.

6) Space for Dance floor

Move tables and chairs out of the way. More space for dancing, less chance of people tripping and messing up the couch. Win-win!

7) Ask guests to clean

I know, you don't want to be the party pooper, but when peeps are going home, ask each to throw a can/ food wrapping into a garbage bag you'll be holding at the door. No can = no can do, buddy, you're staying until I have that trash (that made no sense at all, just ignore).

8) Keep your eyes open!!!

Do you know all these people very well? Make sure to see if some bitch isn't sneaking a video game controller into his pocket, or over there, someone might be having a wazz in the kitchen. It happens!

STORY TIME

Okay, this is why I'm advising you to do all these things. 

I know a guy in my school, let's say his name is Maurice. He is Scottish. Maurice's parents decides to leave for a week. This little dude told his close friend that he might be throwing a party: 'But don't tell anyone yet'. Of course she told. 

About 50 people came, most of them were from school. This is what happened: Firstly, his video controller got stoles, as did his keys and other valuable objects. Someone pooped and puked in the kitchen floor (there's a lovely photo of it on Facebook). Then came the best part - people started randomly throwing things into his garden pond. You know, the odd phone, shoes, VACUUM CLEANER! And last (but probably not), a boy who's always angry punched the wall (because he's so angry), then someone punched it again to make the whole bigger.

Maurice now attends anger counselling (who knows why), and his family had to replace the lock. Damages cost about £1000 altogether. Poor Maurice :(